


State of Denial

by ghostofviper



Category: Professional Wrestling, Ring of Honor
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 18:05:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13576047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostofviper/pseuds/ghostofviper
Summary: Song fic based on In My Veins by Andrew Belle





	State of Denial

“I hate how much I still love you.” Alex Shelley said to his girlfriend, well ex-girlfriend. “I hate that you still have this control over me.” As much as he tried, Alex just could not seem to rid himself of these feelings for her. After everything she had done to him, he still imagined a future with her. And that was a pipe dream. 

“I’m sorry Alex.” She said, pity reflecting deep in her eyes. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“Yeah, you’re always sorry.” Alex said sarcastically. “And you never mean to hurt me. Yet you still do. Repeatedly.” With a last long look at her he shook his head, dejection in his shoulders as he left the arena heading straight to the bar across the street. 

**  
Nothing goes as planned  
Everything will break  
People say goodbye  
In their own special way  
**

“Whisky, straight. Make it a double and keep them coming please.” Alex said to the bartender. He had every intention of drinking away every member of the bitch that broke his heart and still had a strangle hold on it. Despite the lying and the cheating he still couldn’t get her out of his head. 

“Lady troubles?” The bartender asked setting down the drink in front of him.

“You have no idea my friend.” Alex said with a rueful laugh. “How is it that a woman can get so under your skin, so deeply embedding in you that even after she rips your heart right out, you still love her?” He asked. 

“I wish I had an answer to that for you.” The bartender said with a slight shrug. 

“I hate that I still love her and if she gave me the slightest indication she wanted me back I would go running.” Alex threw back his shot and slammed the glass down, smiling his appreciation when it was immediately refilled before the bartender moved down to the opposite end and onto other customers leaving Alex alone with his thoughts.

**  
Oh you run away  
Cause I’m not what you found  
Oh you’re in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
**

Alex smiled into his drink as he thought back to the first day he saw her. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Alex had immediately fallen under her spell, captivated by her smile and musical laughter as she waltzed throughout the room, never staying with any one person for more than a few moments. When she had graced him with her presence it took everything he had not to whisk her away. Instead he had flirted and cajoled until he had gotten her phone number and the promise of a date. 

It had been magical, at least through his eyes, the few short months they were together. Apparently she didn’t find him quite as irresistible as he found her. While he was utterly devoted to her, practically worshiping the ground she walked on. The first time he found out she was cheating on him, Alex had placed the blame squarely on himself. He must not have been fulfilling her needs. Not showing her enough attention or affection. She must have doubted how much he loved her. 

From that first incident Alex had redoubled his efforts, lavishing her with gifts and making sure she never wanted for anything. After the fourth or fifth time Alex began to realize, it wasn’t him that was the problem. She just wasn’t capable of being in a committed relationship. And that killed him. Yet it still took catching her a few more times for him to finally break away. 

Signaling for another drink Alex heaved a sigh. He cursed his weakness, the yearning he felt to run back to her and apologize. To beg her to take him back and turn a blind eye on her indiscretions. Why he felt the need to apologize when he had done nothing wrong was lost on him. Alex didn’t know why he was roped so deep into this woman. A woman who hadn’t given any indication she cared for anything beyond herself and what he could give her. 

Oh sure, she knew to give him just enough to keep dragging him along, but that was it. There was never that extra step taken to make Alex feel his love was reciprocated. He was drowning without her, but logically knew that he couldn’t live like that. He was starving for affection, for love. Alex wasn’t made to be alone. He was made to be in a relationship. Alex was a one woman man. He was made for commitment and stability. With his hectic career lifestyle, Alex yearned for stability at home. Wanted nothing more than a good woman to come home to. 

Perhaps he had jumped the gun with his ex. Had been so desperate for that stability that he had latched onto the first woman he had felt something for. Swallowing another mouthful of whisky Alex pursed his lips, idly drawing circles on the bar top with his fingers as he contemplated his future. For the first time he looked beyond a future with her. He was seeing that wasn’t in the cards. A small niggle wormed its way into his mind that maybe if he gave her time, she would settle down. Maybe she was just sowing her wild oats and then she would be ready to commit to him. 

Alex stumbled to his feet a smile on his face as he paid his tab whistling cheerfully as he exited the bar, some peace settling in his mind as he was sure he had his girl problem figured out. He would give her the space she needed, let her have her fun. Then when she was ready he would be waiting to give her the world. 

**  
Everything is dark  
It’s more than you can take  
But you catch a glimpse of sun light  
Shining down on your face


End file.
